总的来说选题很有针对性，也有意义，写的也不错。我想我稍微改一改吧。文里有很多错的地方。评起来不如你把改过的和原文对一下，可能收获更大。 Mobile Phones in the Class With the quick development of science and technology， more and more people become relying on mobile As the picture shows， mobile phones even enter the Some teachers allow students to use them to take notes or copy some important For this，I can hardly say yes or no， since everything has two From my own perspective， I think the good thing is that students can make a good use the mobile phones in their study as a tool to take notes ， search for information for The bad thing is that inevitably mobiles phones are often used by students to do something else like playing games rather than taking notes or something useful for Besides， the frequent use of mibile phones in class will help students develope a kind of laziness and dependence，which will do harms not only in students' indepentent thinking but the operational Thus， personally I think we should not be shocked by the mobile phones in the classroom What we should do is to help students to have a right attitude to use mobile phones like using computers in the classroom
第一，仔细看清题目介绍和引语，理解题意，标出必须要在文章中提到的重点第二，开头要简洁明了的点到你的观点，例如 用IN MY OPINION或者I THINK 表明你全文的论点第三，中间部分最重要，要一条条写出你的论据，要详细，不能，啰嗦，最好有合适的例证，还有连词的使用，比如 IN ADDITION， BESIDES之类的，要流畅，环环相扣，然后突出你的论点，一定要充分说服读者最后，结尾，再次重申你的观点，THUS， IN CONCLUSION 都是比较好的开头，然后基本把你的开头再重复一遍，当然不能是原句，但是就类似于中文中的，综上所述，我认为，···就可以了。
记住作文模板： Some people hold the opinion To begin with， they What's more，besides， Every coin has two others don't think They believe However， What's personally， i think ，，，
